I Want To Leave Nigeria

At the point I became aware of a retentive memory, I had always prayed during morning devotions that I wanted to be out of Nigeria, just like an up-coming artist sees their place or future above the stars; I saw my future in countries of the West. Leaving Nigeria came before thanking God for giving me life. It sounds terrible now but at that young age, I was right in my every thought. When I watched cartoons and listened to songs from the West, I could only see magic and more paradise and perfection. The staples upon my eyeballs were indeed surreal.

We had some family that came visiting from some countries of the West during special seasons like Christmas or the New Year and any time they came with their exotic accents, the cross breed of a parrot and a canary that I was died completely! I was 98% mute because most of the time because I did not want to be laughed at for my imperfect accent and worst of all; I was scared to life on shooting anybody with my gbagaun (wrong English). If I had to talk or express myself, I always fawned any form of ailment or speak under my breath so that anything I said at that point would fly.

Over the years, this became a habit and what do you know, my active Igala parents had noticed my trend for nearly a decade and decided to strike any time I tried my drama. There was a day in the year 2000 that I was released from the low self esteem chains although it didn't come so easy, it was accompanied with some knocks and at least, half of an ‘abara’ (a hard manual reset slap given on the middle of the back, right in-between the shoulder blades or slightly lower). My esteem didn't roar out immediately though it took reasonable time.

Whenever my distant family members or friends came back from these countries of the West, I always wished there could be a child swap and out of my 5 siblings, I should be the lucky cute chap to be exchanged for this swap that took place only in my head, my day dreams were real! I wanted this even more than a Barbie doll or a pink dress like people my age did. I wanted to move and live in the West so bad. Worst of, when my older ones travelled for their education and I had to talk to them from home, I can promise that they had a bad time talking to me cause I always complained of all the many bad things that were happening in Nigeria which were actually not happening and when they clarified my hot gist from our parents, some koboko (horse whip) cleared the air as they were evenly distributed on my body. I could feel pain on different parts of my body and hear pia-pia but couldn't see the whip’s take-off or landing.

Away with all of that, now I am grown, I am always on a couple of news channels at least for six hours in 24 hours each day and I can barely name one country that is living in total peace and I mean total peace in every detail. I have also come to realize deeply that running away or dreading what is originally yours is denying yourself a vision. It is defying the saying: “there is no place like home” infact for me, it is defying a law of nature. No one can ever face and fix a pin in my home like I can; no one can control things in his or her own home like the owner of that home. I have come to realize that running away from a problem or bad-mouthing it is providing room for the issue to amass and worse of, when you come back to meet it, it would be at the stage that nothing can be done about it.

Nigeria is my love, I would never trade anything for this, and I would only visit the countries of the West solely to get that which would make my Nigeria a better place.